


prophecies often have double meanings; or "he is not who he says he is"

by the_nerd_youre_looking_for



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Gen, I really did, Love & Support, M/M, Newton Pulsifer has Anxiety, anathema and newt are lesbian/gay solidarity, anathema has comphet, anathema's mom is also supportive, i thought anathema was a lesbian dudes, little does he know his mom loves him, making this a tag, newt is driven by anxiety and loving his mother disease, newt just doesn't want to be a disappointment, they try to hook each other up with different people in town and generally it's just embarassing, this is fanfic i do what i want, what is homophobia i don't know her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-08-10 21:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20142277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_nerd_youre_looking_for/pseuds/the_nerd_youre_looking_for
Summary: Anathema Device has spent all her life knowing she would have to follow Agnes's prophecies to the letter. She would have to live by them and figure them out and help save the world. Easy peasy. One prophecy makes her stomach churn, however, one her mother didn't show her until she was fourteen and knew with certainty how babies were made. It was fine though, sex with a guy would be alright probably. It's all fine.Newton Pulsifer loves computers. He loves learning how they work and how websites are made and how to pick them apart and put them back together. Unfortunately, he is absolute shit with computers. With one failure down pat, he doesn't need to add more to his mother's plate. He's already a jobless, anxiety-riddled parasite on her life, he doesn't need to let her know her dream of a nice, picture-perfect wedding won't happen. He's gay, but he couldn't possibly tell her. It's fine though.Then, through a series of wild coincidences, the two meet. And then happen to engage in sexual intercourse and enter into a romantic relationship.Alternatively, the story of how two gay disasters learn that they aren't alone.





	1. a truth long overdue

**Author's Note:**

> I honest to god thought Anathema would be a lesbian when I first watched this, you all have no idea how disappointed I was
> 
> Anyway, I definitely am not the best at writing these guys so don't be too mean to me

"Boyfriend"

The title still clung to Newt like a mold. He'd figured he might grow used to it, given time, but that's just not how it was going to work out. It isn't that he _disliked _Anathema, he just didn't quite like her in the boyfriend sense. 

Newton Pulsifer had known he was gay since he was sixteen. He'd been waiting for the right time to come out, but that seemed to be never. First it was his failure at being able to so much as look at any sort of computer. He'd been fascinated by them since he was young. How they worked, how people made it run, how websites work, how to take them apart and put them back better than they were....it had always been his dream to be some sort of computer programmer for a living, but that's just not how things were going to work out. No matter how much he actually _knew _about them in the technical sense, he couldn't work with them at all. It was only mildly soul crushing. 

Now it was just how _happy _his mother had been when she met Anathema. They'd called her over FaceTime to introduce the two and Mrs. Pulsifer just adored her. She did the regular routine, teasing about weddings and grandchildren. So Newton couldn't his mom down again. He was already disastrously inept at something most jobs require usage of, and she was always so patient when he lived with her going from job to job. If she was happy seeing him with a nice girl, he'd keep it up. He did like Anathema, she was certainly passionate, fun to talk to, and was always very sweet to the gaggle of kids that stop by for tea sometimes. So really, it isn't the worst situation in the world, it's just....worrying. 

Especially considering how fast "boyfriend" had been pinned to him. When would "fiance" come up? "Husband"? That's a bit concerning, but it's all alright. Nothing to worry about. Everything's great.

~*~

Anathema was having another private struggle. Most things she struggled with often were, you see, as most of the things she struggled with involved a bunch of rather accurate prophecies handed down through the family from her great-great-great-some more greats grandmother. There aren't a lot of other people with that particular trouble, so it's rather hard to talk about. This _new _struggle is, unfortunately, a rather common one. 

She liked Newton. That much was easy, he was a bit goofy, played little games with The Them whenever they came around, and knew a lot of interesting facts about computers. In the looks department, he's...average at best, but most people are average. That's the whole point of it, nothing wrong with looking a bit plain. Of course, it was mostly just the men who looked average-at-best, but that's normal. Men don't do much to make themselves look good, and women do, plus women are just naturally prettier with soft features, their beautiful eyes, adorable laughs, women with freckles, good lord, and-

Oh.

Well then. 

That was a pretty quickly resolved struggle, if Anathema does say so herself. Most of her _other_ ones took months sometimes to work out! Prophecies are intentionally vague, after all. 

Or was it resolved? Maybe she just didn't feel attraction toward Newton, and that was that. Maybe she did like guys and girls. Maybe she just thinks girls are prettier because the patriarchal society she is living in has conditioned her to associate women with attractiveness and nothing more, making her view them as a pretty body and not as a whole person. Interesting theory. Anyway, isn't it good to keep her options open? What if she came out as a lesbian and then a while down the road she fell in love with a man and then she had to take all that back? It's not like Agnes wrote anything saying "Anathema, my descendant, you are into women, you moron". Maybe it was in the second book that she burned and now she'd never know for sure about this whole dilemma. Why did she have to go and burn the second book? Anathema supposes it's quite nice to not have to worry if she's living up to expectation, and besides, if Anges saw the future then she must've seen her burn the second book of prophecies. So it's probably fine, but now she'll never know if what she's doing is the right choice or the right decision or the right _anything. _

Needless to say, it's frustrating. 

But Anathema felt bad about dragging Newt along while she has this dilemma. What if she was only attracted to women and had strung the poor man along for nothing? Maybe they needed a bit of a break while she figured this out. She did like him, so she hoped they'd stay friends while she did.

~*~

"We need to talk."

Those dreaded four words. Newton sat at the kitchen table, heart doing all sorts of gymnastics tricks in his ribcage. He folded his shaking hands on the table and tried taking deep breaths to calm down. Anxiety could be a bitch sometimes.

Anathema was currently pouring them both cups of tea for the occasion. She seemed calm enough, except for her fingers, tapping on the countertop or the kettle or whatever was near her hands. 

She sat down across from Newt and slid his cup over to him. She took several deep breaths, and he wondered, for the hundredth time, what on earth could be going through her head. 

"Newton" Anathema began, gripping her mug so tightly the man in question thought it might shatter. She glued her eyes to the table and let out a heavy breath.

"This is going to be...difficult for me to tell you but.....I think that I might be a lesbian. I don't know, it's just all this stuff going on inside my head and, well, I'm not sure if I _am _or if I might be just straight or bi or something, but I think I might be gay, and, to me, at least, it would be very unfair for you to be strung along while I actually figure this out, so I think we should take a break, at least from the....romance thing, we can be friends still, only if you-"

"Oh, thank _god_!" Newt interrupted. He felt like his bones had melted and he slumped farther down in the chair. "That's great, uh. Not that you're confused, that...that sucks, sorry if I sounded insensitive, but...I'm gay too!" He let out a laugh that was cut short by the serious look on his (ex??) girlfriend's face.

"You are?! And you...you knew it, so why didn't you say anything?!" She pointed a hand at Newt while the other went to fiddle with her hair. "I mean, we...we had sex! You could've told me!" 

"It's, um...long story. Panicked. And then my mom was so happy when she met you and saw I was getting a social life and dating, and, you know. Couldn't let her down. Sorry." 

There was a long and awkward silence as the pair silently processed this new type of relationship they had entered. They had entirely skipped over the friendship phase and went right to dating. Maybe a quick jaunt back to being friends wouldn't kill them, especially not with this new information. It might just do the opposite of killing. 

The silence was ended when Anathema barked out a hearty, but wholly unexpected, laugh, and slammed her hands onto the table, which made Newt flinch away just a millimeter. 

"Well, I'm definitely not your girlfriend now!" She giggled, wiping a few stray tears from her eyes. "I guess it's good for you we only slept together that once. I feel bad about it though."

Newt shrugged and waved the concern away. "It's alright, you didn't know." He reached out and covered Anathema's hands with his own, an act that came with no romantic strings attached, just simple affection. 

"I hope you figure it out on your end. I know it's tricky, coming to terms with it and all, but you'll do fine."

Anathema smiled up at him, compassion (and maybe a few tears, but she'd never say) shining through her eyes. "Thanks, Newt. I hope so too."

~*~

"We might as well still live together. I mean, you've already half moved into the cottage, and it'd be more of a hassle to get you your own place."

"Won't people think we're dating still? Or get all huffy about a man and woman living together? I know my grandparent would"

"It isn't our fault most people assume a man and woman can't be in any other type of relationship besides a sexual and/or romantic one. It's expensive to move you out and I won't be shamed for not following societal norms."


	2. best to start small

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Updating the Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you look up when school starts in the UK to make realistic dialogue and then you have to figure out when their summer vacations are so it makes sense at all and you still don't understand it because you're stupid but hey.
> 
> Anyway, I love the Them, and this chapter shows it. The POV is all over the place which is :( but hey

Adam considered himself to be very smart. He got good marks in his classes (except for science, but he did try his hardest), he could come up with brilliant stories, and he invented only the best games for him and his friends to play. Plus, he could speak Dog. So, all things considered, he thought he was a smart boy. And he was. Which was why, the next time they were all invited to Jasmine Cottage for tea, he could tell something new was up with Newt and Anathema. 

It was a very nice August afternoon, if not a little too hot. The Them, Anathema, and Newton were sitting on the back porch of the cottage with cups of tea and a small bowl of candies for the kids. Well, mostly Brian. He'd grabbed a whole handful of candies and was seeing how tea tasted with them. Pepper had got into an argument with him about hogging all the candy and then ruining it until Newt settled it by going back inside and getting some more. 

"So, are you kids all excited for school to start?" Anathema asked with a smile.

"Not really. I'm rubbish at school work." Brian said through a mouthful of tea/candy. "I like playing games much more than sitting in a boring room all day."

"Actually, you aren't _bad_ at school." Wensleydale turned to face Brian. "It's just the maths you aren't good at, and the teacher can help."

"I still don't like it."

Newt came back to his seat next to Anathema and placed the second bowl of candies on the table. Pepper slid it away from Brian, claiming he'd probably already ruined his supper. Everyone present ignored the fact that supper wouldn't be ready for hours.

"Now, kids, Anathema and I here have something to tell you all." Newt started, feeling his heart get all flippy again. They were kids, he told himself, no need to be nervous with _them_. His heart didn't listen and continued to be stupid and make him nervous. 

"Are you going to get _married _now?" Pepper crossed her arms and shot them both an accusatory glare. 

"We...no? Why would we, we've only known each other for a few weeks." Anathema was already confused. She'd never been the hugest fan of kids, particularly for the reason that they said weird things that confused her. She liked _these _kids, but still. 

"You knew each other for a few hours before dating."

"Actually, a lot of people say they fall in love at first sight."

"That's ridiculous. That doesn't happen."

"If it doesn't happen, why do people say it does?" Adam asked. "Plus, it's in movies and those books my mum likes to read. Maybe only grown-ups do it."

"Um, it's about that, actually." Newt spoke up. "Anathema and I, we aren't dating anymore."

Anathema nodded and smiled at the kids. "We're still friends, and we're both still planning on living here. But he's gay, and I'm lesbian. So it's not gonna work out."

"I thought you were American." Brian popped another candy in his mouth, to Pepper's annoyance.

"No, if you're a lesbian, it means you're a girl who likes girls. My Aunt Theresa is a lesbian, and she's married to my Aunt Rose. They live in London." 

"I _know _what a lesbian is, Wensleydale. It's a Vine. Are you secretly fifty?"

"I'm not fifty!"

Pepper seemed quite please with this new revelation. "My mother says that the media has failed gay women by only showing women ending up happily with men, and telling them that they won't be satisfied with men either way. She says that's why a lot don't know they're lesbians until later in life."

"Are you all dating anyone else now?" Adam grabbed a couple candies for himself and tried it in his tea like Brian. It wasn't very good.

Newt and Anathema gave each other a certain type of Look that grown-ups do before turning back to him.

"No, we aren't." Anathema said simply.

Adam shrugged and dug the candy out of his tea. "People probably think you're still dating, since you live together and all. Mr. Tyler thinks it's no good that you live together when you haven't been married yet. He was telling my dad that, and Dad said that you're adults and can make your own life choices."

Newt smiled, watching the discussion go thirty different places. He could feel himself calming, and didn't really know why he was worried in the first place. They're good kids, if course they'd be alright with it all. And judging by the way Anathema and Pepper were discussing how people assume a man and woman are always romantically involved no matter what, they've got the hang of the living situation too. It really would just be a hassle to move him out. 

"Well, that's all we had to tell you guys." Anathema said happily. "Anything new happening with anyone else?"

Adam raised his hand like he was still at school. "I learned how to speak Dog." He announced proudly. "Well, just to my dog, but I'm sure it's about the same for all dogs."

"Actually, people do say that all dogs bark the same no matter what country they're from. So I bet you could speak to any type of dog."

"Really? Wicked! See, I can tell Dog things and he understands me. I can show you all."

Adam barked a couple times at Dog, and Dog barked back. Adam had meant to say "Hello, Dog, I love you" and assumed Dog had responded with "I love you, too Adam", which is what he told his friends had happened. Anathema and Newt pretended to be impressed rather well. In actuality, he had said "I like toasted frogs" and Dog had responded with "This is embarrassing".

It was a really nice August afternoon, besides the massive rainstorm that broke halfway through the visit. Anathema and Newt had taken shelter inside while the children played in the rain. They were only called in once they were thoroughly soaked to the bone, and were just a little upset that their game of Who Can Splash In The Biggest Puddle was interrupted. Once they'd been dried off, it was time for them to head home, and all four were excited about rain biking, so they really hadn't needed to be dried off after all. Anathema yelled after them to be careful and not ride too fast, and the Them were off. 

"They're going to ride like madmen, aren't they." Anathema said it more like a statement than a question. She wore a fond smile, so she wasn't too upset about the matter. 

"Probably are. That's kids for you." Newt peered out the window and watched the Them riding away. 

"Especially _these _kids. I wouldn't be surprised if the next time they were over, one of them had broken their leg."

"I doubt it, they seem careful enough. They just have fun, that's what kids do."

Anathema hummed in agreement and poured herself another cup of tea. "I'd say the whole coming out thing went pretty well with them, hm?"

Newt nodded, keeping his post by the window. The children were well out of view, but there was something about watching the rain come down. "I'd say so too. They are good kids. Don't know what I was all worked up about."

"If it's any comfort, I got nervous with it too." Anathema joined him at the window and watched the storm go on. "But it worked out."

Newt nodded again and stood in silence for a moment.

"Do you know who I really would hate to tell about this?" He said, a small smile making itself shown. "Sergeant Shadwell."


	3. the mortifying ordeal of being known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit to Mrs. Pulsifer goes better than expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know any homophobia who's that bitch

After so many weeks of only seeing her son through video calls, Mrs. Pulsifer all but demanded they come over to her place to visit. Neither Newton or Anathema minded, as she was a very sweet lady and also had promised to bake brownies if they did come over. The only unsettling thing about the trip was that Newt planned to come out to her when they got there. He didn't really have a plan for it, he just hoped a good moment would come up and he could slip in the whole gay thing and then everyone would get on with their lives. Anathema had told him it was good to plan this all out in advance so he would have something to fall back on should it all go screwy, but he told her he'd be fine just winging it. She had given him her best "i'm right and you know it" look, and now, pulling into his mother's driveway, he did have to admit to himself that she had been right. 

"Oh, my darling boy, I've missed you!" Mrs. Pulsifer had practically exploded through the door just a second after Anathema rung the doorbell. She must've seen them drive up and went to greet them, Newton supposed. She gave them both bone-crushing bear hugs and ushered them in.

"Hi Mum. Missed you too." Newt said, shoving his hands in his pockets. He did love her, she was just a little...much. Maybe that's just how most moms are, but she'd always been very protective of him, especially after his father left. Maybe that protectiveness is just something a mother never grows out of.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Pulsifer." Anathema smiled. She snuck a quick peek at the older woman's aura, just to check. It was a bright yellow in color, about average size. That all just meant she was currently very happy, which matched up with her behavior. Anathema had met her share of bad apples in the world who acted kind and sweet, so she often took extra precautions.

"Just call me Jane, sweetie. It's lovely to meet you in person!" Mrs. Pulsifer sat the two down on a plaid couch. "I've got the brownies in the kitchen, let me be right back with those." 

Anathema watched her go off to the kitchen, then turned back to Newt. "You're sure you're ready? You know you don't have to."

Newt nodded and stared down at the coffee table. "I'm sure, it's just...nerve wracking. She's very nice, but I can't help but wonder if she'll be alright with it at all."

"I'm sure she will be. I can tell she loves you a lot, something like this shouldn't change that." Anathema rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Try not to worry too much about it, ok?"

Mrs. Pulsifer came back carrying a paper plate of brownie squares. She set them on the table, then sat on a matching plaid armchair and clasped her hands. "Now," she said, "how is everything over in Tadfield? How are those sweet little kids you keep telling me about?"

"Everything's great, it's really quiet over there." Newt said. "And the kids are doing well. We had them over just a few days ago."

"That's good to hear. No trouble at all?" 

"No, none. You'd like it up there, maybe one day you could visit us."

Mrs. Pulsifer nodded and turned to Anathema. "And you tell me, how's my boy been treating you?" She said it with a laugh, and Newt wanted to give up his entire plan. "I've always taught him to respect women, so he'd better be good to you."

Anathema smiled at Mrs. Pulsifer, but Newt could tell from the way she held her shoulders that this was just as awkward for her as it was for him. "He's been good to me, don't worry."

"Actually, Mum" Newt let it out before he lost his nerve entirely. "There's something about that that I have to tell you."

Mrs. Pulsifer's happy expression melted away to one of concern. "Of course, love. What is it?"

He looked to Anathema, his mother, the coffee table, and then back at Anathema. "Uh...could it be private? Please?"

Anathema nodded and pat him on the shoulder once more. "Of course. I'll be in the kitchen." She mouthed 'you got this' before walking away.

It felt like there was an eternity of silence, filled only by the ticking of the clock in hall. Finally, Mrs. Pulsifer spoke up.

"Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?"

Newt clasped his hands together in his lap and looked down at them, taking a few breaths before he finally crossed this line.

"Mum, I'm...I'm gay." He spit it out, in a rush to get the confession from his lips and out into the world. "I'm gay, and, well, Anathema isn't my girlfriend anymore, obviously, and that's, uh...that's all."

Another eternity before his mother answered him. 

"Oh." She said, voice soft, expression unreadable. "Is this recent?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, no, I've known a while, since...since, I can't remember, not recent." His nails were digging into his skin. "And...and...I never told anybody but I _knew _and-"

"Slow down, love." Mrs. Pulsifer stood up only to sit down on the couch next to him. "Sorry to interrupt, but you're going to panic if we keep up like this." She took his hands in her own. "Now, we're just going to breathe here a moment until you're all set to continue, ok?"

She let him just sit there for a moment before he nodded, finally meeting her eyes. "I'm fine."

"Good. Now, what were you telling me?"

He nodded again and looked back down at their hands. "I was just saying, uh...I've known for a while. And at first, I didn't really _understand _it, you know. And then when I got older, I started to get it, and I didn't tell you because I was just nervous. And then, well, you have all these _expectations _for me and my life, and I guess, just...I wanted to live up to at least one of them, I guess. That's all."

He heard his mother let out a heavy breath, and prepared himself for the worst.

"Love, all I've ever wanted for you is for you to be happy."

His eyes shot up to meet his mother's tear-filled ones. She didn't look sad, but she was definitely going to cry. This hadn't been how he was expecting this to go.

"I'm very sorry if I ever made you feel _pressured _to be someone, I never meant it." she continued. "I just saw how happy you were with those computers of yours and how interested in them you were, and you were always so upset whenever it wouldn't work out for you. I encouraged you to do that because you loved it, and, I don't know, maybe I thought when you got older you'd get over your technological curse. But I'd not be disappointed if you went to do something else. And all the other things, weddings, grandchildren, that's just the mother in me talking. Don't listen to any of that, if you'd like to be childless, I won't be upset." She smiled and poked him in the chest. "And just so you know, I'll still be crying at your wedding to a man. I'm happy for you as long as you are, love, that's all I've wanted."

Newt only realized he was crying when he wiped tears off his cheek. He smiled, a real one, and glanced back at the safety of the coffee table before going back to his mom. "Thanks." He choked out. "You're a good mom."

Mrs. Pulsifer smiled back at him, and let out a small laugh. "No need to thank me." She said. "Now you get over here so I can hug you."

Newt let himself be crushed by his mom for a second time, feeling like the weight of the world was taken off his chest. 

"Do you want to go get your friend back in?" Mrs. Pulsifer pulled back and took one of her brownies off the plate. "She'll want to know it went well, I'm sure."

He nodded and went to go retrieve Anathema from the kitchen. He found her sitting at the dinner table, drinking a glass of water.

"So? How was it?" She asked, standing up as soon as she saw him.

"It went well. Really well." Newt suspected he still had tear tracks on his face, and he couldn't get the stupid smile off his face, but today was going really well for him. He couldn't be bothered about it.

Anathema burst into a smile and pulled him into a quick hug. "I told you she'd be fine about it!" She picked up her water and started out of the room. "I'm proud of you."

Newt, for the life of him, couldn't get why everyone was hugging him so much today. At least Anathema wasn't out to break his ribs when she did. He stood in the kitchen for a moment longer, basking in the silence, before hurrying back out into the living room before his mother broke out the photo albums. _That _would be a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we get some Mrs Pulsifer appreciation going


	4. among fellows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duo unexpectedly come out to a pair of supernatural entities. It goes very smoothly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can my computer stop having breakdowns n deleting my shit thanks

Almost as often as The Them came around to Jasmine Cottage for a snack, Aziraphale and Crowley would visit Tadfield to check up on everybody. Crowley always acted like it was a chore for him to come around, but he wasn't very good at it. For one, whenever one of the kids would ask him to play a game with them, he would agree with a surprising lack of resistance. Aziraphale wasn't the best with kids (he thought they made too many messes) but he'd never dream of being rude to them. He mostly stayed on the porch with Anathema and Newt, chatting about whatever came to mind. It was always a nice time whenever they'd come by.

Anathema had found it a bit strange that she'd befriended the two supernatural entities who had run her over and and accidentally stolen her book. The supernatural entity part of that was honestly the least surprising. Their auras were both very powerful, and she had known from the first encounter that they were more than they let on. In fact, she was most surprised that Newt took to them fairly quickly. Usually, he wasn’t a fan of meeting new people, but maybe the end of the world makes some changes in people. Or it’s because they never make a fuss if he slips away after a while. Either way, Anathema was just happy everyone was making friends. 

While she did enjoy her conversations with Aziraphale on old literature, and how interested Crowley seemed to be in her witchcraft, the thing she loved most about them was their love. Anathema didn’t have to search auras to see very plainly how much they cared for each other. It was in the way Crowley casually mentioned that was learning how to cook some of Aziraphale’s favorite foods, or in how Aziraphale looks at Crowley when he’s playing with the children, or the way they bicker about details when they’re recalling old memories. Anathema had felt a sort of bond with the pair, even before she came out to herself. She’d chalked it up to a shared weird experience, which still was part of it. But she realized now that it was that they were all gay. Of course, Aziraphale and Crowley had different language for sexuality and gender, but they never minded being seen or refered to as gay men. 

Aziraphale and Anathema were sitting on the back porch, watching as Newt, Crowley, and The Them played a game in the yard, that seemed to involve pirates and rescuing a princess. Crowley had been volunteered for the princess, as Pepper had adamantly refused to be reduced to a stereotypical damsel in distress and have to be rescued by a crew of men. He seemed to be playing the part well, if the children’s laughter was anything to go by.

“Crowley’s pretty good with the kids, hm?” Anathema asked, smiling at the soft look in Aziraphale’s eyes.

“He is. He won’t admit it in a million years, but he really does love children.” Aziraphale took a sip of his tea and went back to watching Newton be dogpiled by a bunch of eleven-year olds. “Your Newton seems to like them too.” 

Anathema cringed internally at the usage of “your Newton” (he certainly wasn’t owned by her, he was his own person), but she brushed it off. “Oh, he loves those rascals. They come over all the time and ask him for help with schoolwork.”

Aziraphale laughed softly. “They’re sweet. And I’ve noticed Newt’s anxiety is better since we last visited.”

“Yeah, I told him a while ago he should probably see a therapist for all of it. He said she’s recommending him to a psychiatrist so they can work out medication for it.” Anathema felt a bit of pride rise up in her. He’d officially started therapy a week after he came out to his mom, and it’d been going pretty well. Of course, there were ups and downs as always, but she was glad he’d been getting help. 

“Well, good for him!” Aziraphale smiled brightly. “I’m glad he’s able to get some treatment for it. Anxiety can be pretty rough, especially for someone as young as he is.”

Anathema nodded, watching Crowley be heroically rescued from Brian the Evil Pirate King of Doom. She and Newt were both in their late twenties, which was still considered young by human standards. She figures that they’re practically babies compared to Aziraphale and Crowley, for however long they’ve been around. Forever, at least. 

“What’s the gossip over here?” Crowley pulled a chair out next to Aziraphale and sat sideways, flinging his legs over one of the arms. 

“Anathema was telling me about how Newton is getting some therapy for his anxiety lately.” Aziraphale smiled fondly at Crowley, who stuck his tongue out as a response. “You were a lovely princess.”

“I was, wasn’t I?”

Anathema smiled, and waved at Newt coming up onto the porch. He waved back and mumbled something about needing to use the restroom before slipping inside. She was sure he’d probably not come out until everyone left and he’d say goodbye. He liked the visits, but only for a certain amount of time. 

“Sorry if this is a personal question, but I’ve been wondering.” Anathema focused on stirring her tea when she felt Aziraphale and Crowley’s eyes on her. “How long have you two been together?”

There was a silence and Anathema was afraid she’d somehow offended the two, until she glanced up to see them apparently fairly deep in thought. Crowley was counting something on his fingers.

“I can’t recall the date, but it was around when we started the Arrangement, wasn’t it dear?” Aziraphale looked down at Crowley for confirmation. 

“Yeah, around then.” Crowley agreed, still counting. “I think it was before, wasn’t it?”

“No, after it. I wouldn’t have done it before, you know that.”

“It was, I remember it. You called me a radiant bride and started crying.”

“I remember  _ that _ , but it was after! It was a lovely ceremony.”

“You say that because you got to eat a shit ton of dates.”

“And because I had a very radiant bride.”

“I think my groom was more radiant.” 

"Well, anyways.” Aziraphale turned his attention back to the actual question. “A few thousand years, at least.”

“That’s a pretty long time.” Anathema said, genuinely impressed. She was almost unable to even comprehend the amount of years two hundred is, let alone a few thousand. 

“To you, it is.” Crowley replied, pouring himself a cup of tea. “Not that long to us.”

“Plus, you have to know that during those few thousand years, we didn’t get to see each other a lot.” Aziraphale said. “Work, and such. And how long have you and Newton been together for? It’ll be about a year soon, isn’t it? Dear, sit up properly, will you?” He directed the last comment at Crowley, who let out a long groan as he sat up straight in the chair. 

Anathema felt an awkward twist in her gut, unsure of how to answer. On one hand, they would most definitely be alright with it, seeing as they’ve been married for most of human history. On the other hand, coming out never gets any less stressful. 

“Well, actually.” She started, mentally preparing at least four different speeches depending on the direction it took, “we aren’t together anymore.”

Crowley simply raised his eyebrows in surprise, and Aziraphale adopted a look of great worry.

"Oh, has something happened?” He asked. “I could tell something was a little different, but-”

“No, it isn’t bad.” Anathema held up a hand to quiet the angel, she could tell he’d keep going on if she didn’t. “It’s just, um.” She hesitated for a split second, and in that second she had an entire debate over using “I” or “we” in her next sentence. Her one hand from before was still standing, but she really didn’t want to out Newt. She wished he was out here with her so she could just look over and he’d nod or something and she would know if it was ok or not. 

“We're...I mean I'm…” She stuttered out, and let out a huff. She’d already said “we”. Too late now. “We’re gay.”

“Called it!” Crowley pumped his fists in the air, and Anathema felt half of her worries fly away.

“Crowley, that’s highly inappropriate!” Aziraphale scolded him. “You know that coming out is an emotional moment, and you shouldn’t be so-”

“But I  _ did _ , literally right after we dropped her off, I said ‘I bet that one’s a lesbian’ and you said that I was being rude.”

“It  _ was _ rude, you can’t just  _ assume _ .”

“It was a  _ correct  _ assumption.” Anathema said with a smile. 

“See?” Crowley gestured at her, and she waved a bit. “See? She doesn’t mind.”

“Well  _ still _ , it’s rude.” Aziraphale glared at him for another moment before turning back to Anathema. “Dreadfully sorry about him. I’m glad you trusted us enough to tell us.”

Anathema shrugged. “Nah, it’s alright. He figured it out before I did, anyway.”

“Demons are smart like that.”

“Hush, you.” Aziraphale said, more teasing than stern. “But you know what, I did know something was different when we met you two. Angels can sense love, and yours felt different than other couples, and I really couldn’t figure it out, but now I can tell it was friendship and not romantic love. Not any less strong, just different.”

“Mr. Crowley!” Adam yelled from on top of a tree stump. “Pepper won’t be the princess again so we need you!” 

Crowley sighed and stood up. “Sorry, folks,” he said, brushing off his jacket, “but duty calls.”

The rest of the afternoon passed very nicely. The Them made Crowley be the princess in all the games they played that day, and he only remembered he was supposed to be complaining one time. Newt did come back outside to say goodbye to everyone, and to remind Crowley to drive slower when the kids were biking on the same road. Crowley said something about Newt literally trying to kill him, and then those two were off. The Them hopped on their bikes five minutes later to get home for supper, and Anathema told them to be careful of the crazy man driving down the street. Then they were off as well.

"I hope you don't mind, but I told Aziraphale and Crowley we were gay." Anathema told Newt over dinner. "They asked how long we'd been together now and I said 'we' already, so." 

Newt smiled and shrugged. "I don't mind." He said through a mouthful of food. "Less stress for me."

"Swallow before you talk, that's disgusting. Didn't your mom teach you basic table manners?"

"No she did not." Newt joked, before swallowing his mouthful to appease Anathema. "In all seriousness, if you could come out to everyone for me, I'd love it."

"Melissa said you've got to confront these things."

"I'm never telling you about my therapy sessions ever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale pining after each other for 6000 years is pretty neat, but Crowley and Aziraphale being married for 6000 years is my JAM


	5. openness doesn't come for free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt discovers keeping it under wraps for so long has some nasty side effects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized homophobia babey
> 
> This one might be short as tits because I don't have much of a plot here. This is just Newt having various issues regarding sexuality and it's literally not gonna be sad forever because I can only take so much here (but if u like sad shit i have a fic thats sad,,,,,i would like ppl to read my shit djhhjs) but u know. Newt has been dealing with anxiety like a champ in the background but I think he should get a say in his issues u know?

Newt had honestly thought everything would be smooth sailing after he was out to everyone who really needed to know. Well, that was mostly a lie since he never even considered telling Anathema and honestly thought his mom might be angry. But once it _happened _and it was _fine _and he was still alive, shaky but alive, he thought it would be ok. He could just...be himself. After all, that was the bit that had mattered, that was what seemed obvious on a surface level. Just tell everyone you're gay and then you're all set to go do gay things. No one warns a guy that 23 years of furiously clamping down on any genuine feelings you have and propping up falsities might lead to some issues later on in life. 

_Maybe I'm just making this up_. He thinks to himself one night. He's cooking dinner while Anathema is job-hunting, and the silence gets to him. _I've never dated a girl before. Maybe I just didn't like her specifically. I don't know. _And that's correct, he has never dated another girl before, and Miranda Richardson from the fourth grade doesn't count, because playground marriages mean nothing. He can't remember if he even liked her in any sense. So she doesn't count, and...does Anathema count? Probably, she is still a girl after all. Lesbianism tends to necessitate that. So how's he to know he just didn't feel attracted to Anathema? Who knows, there could be plenty of lovely girls out there that's he closed his options to. _No, you remember locker rooms being awkward, your first real celebrity crush was James Dean, and you asked Sean Black to playground-marry you in fifth grade, so that's all pretty gay. _But even still, despite all the evidence, there were lingering doubts. Anathema would tell him to talk to Melissa about it but that's if she knows. As far as Newt is concerned, she has her own process to go through before she's alright and a whole other process would mess it up. At least his is normal and doesn't involve prophecies and incredibly controlling family members. No need to worry her over something stupid then. 

"I'm back!" Anathema called, making Newt jump and spill some of the pasta sauce. Great. As if he wasn't already hurtling toward a breakdown tonight. 

Still, he managed a smile when she made her way into the kitchen, still dripping from the storm outside. "Welcome back. Pasta night for the third time in a row."

"Yum. I love carbs." Anathema joked and set a few papers on the counter. "While I was out, I grabbed a few applications for you. Made sure there was absolutely no dealing with computers at all."

"What would I do without you?"

"You'd make pasta endlessly." 

Newt laughed, until he looked back at the pot and saw it nearly bubbling over. He hastily shut the stove off and went for a strainer. And how the hell was he to know that he wasn't attracted to Anathema? If he was, there wouldn't be anything of it, but still. He likes her and she's fun and weird and thoughtful and she is pretty, objectively. Dating her wasn't actually horrible either, it was just the sex they got up to before the dating and the "boyfriend" label and the thought of a "husband" label, and...alright, so the dating thing was kind of horrible and maybe he isn't attracted to her. But still. Point remains. 

Anathema got up to set the table, and shot Newt one of Those Looks. "While I was out," she started, "I ran into a guy I think you might like. He said he's bi so he'd definitely be down. Got his number." She waved a little slip of paper teasingly. 

"Oh." He said. "Cool." He finished plating the pasta in silence and brought it over to the table. There was a sinking feeling in his gut, one that pulled the carpet, floorboards, and foundation from under his feet and left him swimming in some unknown void. It was a simple sentence and yet a lot to process.

"If you don't want me to do that, I won't." Anathema said, genuinely concerned. "I'm sorry."

"No no no no, it's alright!" Newt put on a grin and waved the concern away. "Really, nothing to be sorry about. Just a surprise is all. Not bad."

Anathema gave him a wary stare over her glasses and he could tell by the look that she was doing her aura-reading thing. But if she saw past his facade, she could also see he didn't want to talk about it. So they went on with her meal and discussed how Anathema had found work at the local ice cream parlor, just down the road a little. Everything in Tadfield was just down some road a little. As per usual, Newt clamped down on the nervous-wreck emotions he was getting from something as stupid as another man's phone number and resolved to just not think about it ever again in his life. 

However, after dinner, he did pocket the slip of paper.

~*~

There were five minutes of lip-biting, stomach-churning anxiety between adding the number as a contact and sending a text. Did he even want to do this? How does he know that this man isn't some sort of creep? This worry is somewhat reluctantly dashed as he remembers it was Anathema who set this up and she'd never have if the guy was some sort of depraved lunatic. But, not to fear, other worries crop up like it's a hydra. Newt is shaking on his bed, staring at his phone, and desperately trying to not break down over something this stupid. If he really wanted to, he could go to Anathema's room and chat about feelings, or talk with Melissa next Wednesday. And on a surface level, he does, he wants to get rid of this worry constantly holding him back. It's frustrating and keeps him from doing things he might actually enjoy, or from doing things in general, things so stupid no one else would even think to second guess themselves. Like sending a text. Deep down, he wants to keep it. He wants to worry because he's done nothing else his whole life. He wants to worry because if he doesn't, who knows what he might get himself into? Worry is what trickled out of the clamped-down feelings and to drain those anxieties, he needs to release the clamp and embrace whatever it is he feels, feelings that involve other men. And he doesn't want to let it go just yet. It's been too long that the clamp is rusted shut and it would just be a lot of work to get it free so best to leave it all as is. 

The five minutes pass and he sends a text. "Hi!" It reads (he'd debated about the exclamation). "I'm Newt, the guy Anathema told you about. What's your name?" 

Simple enough. He turned his phone off and went to sleep immediately after it delivered and avoided looking at it until 1pm the next day.

~*~

If Newt thought sending that first text was anxiety-inducing, sitting in an ice cream parlor a week later waiting for the guy to show up for their first actual meet-up was ten times worse. It wasn't an actual date or anything crazy like that, just meeting him. At least, that's what Newt was hoping. Maybe the guy wanted it to be a date and here he would be just thinking they're being pals. At least Anathema had the kindness to not be at work that day. He couldn't have gone through with it if somebody he knew had been there, watching him stumble over the entire encounter.

In the last week, they talked plenty. Newt had gotten his name (Max Jang), where he worked (hardware store down the road a little), tidbits about family (one older sister and a dad), and a few other fun facts (he plays guitar, he likes those 1000-piece puzzles, he owns a cat named Muffin Baby, and his favorite movie of all time is _The Wizard of Oz_). Max was alright from what Newt had gathered, and since they lived in the same town, it would be easy enough to meet up. No hassle on anyone's schedules, really, not too far out of anyone's way. And they got to have ice cream. So that was nice.

Newt had really only been there for two minutes and he was already overthinking everything. It wasn't too late to leave and block Max's number and forget anything ever happened. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing properly. In and out. Like he's been doing forever. There were definitely things resembling butterflies in his stomach, if said butterflies were made out of knives and were furiously hacking him apart from the inside with pitchforks and were enormous. Yes, he liked Max so far, but would he go as far as to date him? To call it love, eventually? Was he capable of that, after so long? Now that was a doozy of a question, and one he filed away for nights when insomnia was really getting to him so he might as well make it interesting. On one hand, he did like talking with Max, even if it was just a friendship thing. It would be nice to get to know other LGBT people, because so far it's just Anathema and they really can't relate with each other on sexuality. And if it does end up as dating, there are definitely worse guys out there. Newt could see it going down the love path, maybe, eventually. But on the other hand, he wants to keep the love path gates locked and bolted and boarded up and never opened ever. There was too much unexplored and too many things he'd have to face about himself down there. Wouldn't it be easier to lock it up, as per usual, and keep it locked until death? Yes, it might be depressing and lonely but at least he wouldn't have to face a hoard of inner demons. He's only met two demons so far, and one was a prince of Hell and scary and the other is just goth and weird. If Newt has to face inner demons, he hopes they're just goth and weird. That would be preferable instead of them being actual issues about himself that he's too scared to face. Maybe he should leave. Probably still plenty of time to run off. 

The ticking clock of escape stopped ticking when another man walked into the parlor and waved at Newt. Newt felt excited and immense dread at the same time. This was definitely Max. Long black hair, ponytail, big smile, vague hippie vibes...this was the guy. It was only until Max was actually seated across from him that Newt figured he maybe should've waved back. This was already falling apart.

"You'll be Newton, I take it." Max said. "You order anything yet or did you wait for me?"

Newt smiled back, although he mostly just looked scared. "You can just call me Newt." He managed. "And, uh...I waited. It would feel rude if I'd already had something, you know?"

"Newt, like the lizards. I'll remember that." Max grabbed a little list that showed what types of sundaes the places went. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna kidnap you or anything."

"Eh..."

"Sorry, it was just a joke. You look scared." Max's smile dropped into a more worried look. "Listen, I don't...I don't know what you were making this meet-up to be, but it can be just a meet-up if you'd like. Just a couple dudes getting ice cream, you know?"

Newt shifted in his seat and folded his hands on the table, digging his nails in on purpose. He needed to get a grip right about now. "I...I don't know what I wanted it to be." He confessed, feeling entirely too present. "First time doing something...like this, you know...with a guy, so...I don't know, I'm sorry, I probably screwed this up, I'm sorry." 

"I understand." Max said warmly. "Nothing's been screwed up. I do understand, it's tough, you know? Especially if you keep it all bottled up here, you know?" He tapped his chest lightly. "Takes a bit to really get it out, and then takes a bit to get used to it. You do get there, eventually. But for now, if you'd like, this can be a friends thing. I don't mind, I've only known you a week. Your call." 

Newt exhaled shakily and unclasped his hands. There were crescents indented into his skin, but he's gotten used to seeing them. The knife-butterflies were still there, only the pitchforks were gone and they were normal sized. It was still a lot, but it was farther away from the chasm of too much. Max was definitely a guy he could get along with, at the very least. And they _had _only known each other a week.

"Friends sounds nice." He said, with just a little more confidence. 

Max smiles again, and Newt gets the impression that the smile should always be there. "Friends it is. You'll have to tell that lesbian friend of yours to chill."

"I don't think she can, honestly. But she's cool, so it's not bad."

"Isn't that charming." Max put the list back and jerked his thumb up to the counter. "Ready to order? You poor man, you can finally eat."

Newt actually managed a laugh through the slowly fading worries, and nodded. "Yeah, I've got an idea of what I want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an lesbian,,,,this chapter m8,,,,,
> 
> Also creative license because yes Newt would literally break a phone if he so much as looked at it weird but let's pretend this is a really tough phone or something.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a slice of life gay adventure fanfic and who's gonna stop me? God? Bet
> 
> I hate how this ended but I needed something to end it with, you feel me? Hopefully it gets better as we move along


End file.
